Best Summer Yet

It is getting close to Summer vacation for our children.  I have heard from many parents that they are dreading it, and just as many that love it.  I thought it was interesting because both sides were very passionate about their feelings.   I can understand both.  Here are some things you can try if you want to have the best Summer yet with your children:  Plan activites that they enjoy.  There are many things you can do with them that do not cost a dime.  Biking, picnics, free concerts, day at the beach, library visits, to name a few.  If too many activities are what you are dealing with, ask them to pick one thing that they would be willing to give up. It's OK..just let it go.  If you plan activities with other children, try to pick friends that they actually like and get along with.  It's great if your children love your friend's children, but some times that is not the case.  Be sure to have some alone time (maybe you and another parent can alternate being responsible for play dates).  If you're a working mom, sit down with your babysitter and plan things out together.  Let your children be involved in the conversation.  When my children were school age, I made sure to have one day a week to spend with them exclusively in the Summer.  We just hung out and played, read books, went for ice cream, went to the pool or lake.  It forced me to take time to live in the moment.  It is these days that I treasure and remember.  Take the time to enjoy your Summer with your children...you all deserve to chill out and have fun.  Make it the best one yet!  If you have any concerns or questions about what the best thing is for your family this Summer, please contact me.

Empathy

I am blogging today with a sad heart.  I was listening to a story on my local news channel about a family who lost their middle school girl to suicide.  The child was being bullied and the parents were aware and doing all they could to help. Unfortunately, this is way too common a story.  The shockingly sad thing for me was the part where they showed how the girl was beaten by other girls her age and someone actually stood there and recorded it.  (Right now I am deciding if it is appropriate to use foul language in a blog...I won't, but I want to).   So... here is my question:  Are we teaching our children empathy?  In this competitive world that we live in, have we forgotten about how others feel?  Isn't our responsibility to make sure we at least TALK to our children about this?  Do we rely on teachers, clergy, grandprents, etc. to bring it up?  Bullying (to the extreme of causing someone to commit suicide)  is much more of a problem than it shoud be.  Most of us remember what it was like being bullied.  The boys terrorized the girls, the mean kids picked on the timid ones.  When I was in school the tough girls stabbed me with hat pins they stole from sewing class.  I think the difference may be that we didn't have the technology to give these acts such broad attention.  The more you feed this behavior, the more you get filled up with it.  Why do these mean children need this kind of attention?  Who is bullying the bully?  Here is a challenge...please talk to your children about this.  Make it a priority!  Maybe if all of us just take a few minutes out of our busy day to teach our children empathy we can actually do something positive to help stop bullying.  Let's make our kids think it's cool to  NOT be  a bully.

Mothers

Moms...are you parenting the same way that your mom did?  Whether you have/had the best mother in the world or swore that you would never do the hurtful things (to your children) that your mother did to you... our parenting methods are greatly influenced by our mothers.  Parenting changes over the generations.  In the 50's moms would say "wait until your father gets home".  The dad ruled!  The next generation was all about no spanking, and actually letting our children be heard.  Many mothers were going back to work and dads had to help out around the house.  Not an easy shift for them.  You don't need a history lesson, you know what I'm getting at.  Parenting changes through the generations.  We are always trying to improve.  We are not perfect, we don't have all the answers and we will make mistakes and be hurtful sometimes.  Our children will disappoint us, and we them.  My advice for moms...don't try to be perfect.  Don't try to do it all.  Don't get to the point of exhaustion trying to give your child EVERY opportunity out there. Give yourself  a well deserved break.  Because we are learning and applying new parenting methods, we are getting better and better.  Change is good.  One thing that never changes is that our mothers love us ...we love our children... and  we all do the best we can!  In memory of my mother, I would like to say how much I appreciated your example of a strong woman.  In memory of my mother-in-law, I would like to say how much I appreciated your devotion to our family.   Two wonderful, beautiful women who (by their example) influenced MY parenting.  Happy Mother's Day.

Loving Relationships with your Adult Children

 
It is very disturbing to me that more and more adults are deciding NOT to have a relationship with their parents.   The children of divorced parents many times blame one parent and decide they will never talk to them again.  The children of controlling parents (who can't accept that they need to make their own decisions without feeling guilty or worthless) come to the realizitation that nothing they do will be good enough so they stop trying to make the relationship work.  Then there are children who make life choices that their parents can't live with and the rejection makes them too angry and hurt to have them in their lives.  Some adult children feel that it's better to cut ties than continue to try just because they are family. These decisions come at a very, very high price.  The family unit is paramount to our well being (children and parents. )  Parents...there are a few things we can do to give us the best chance at a loving relationship with our adult child.  Take honest and sincere responsibility for your part of the problem.   Listen carefully to their side of the story.  Repeat what you heard if necessary.  Be patient!  Even if you are ready to mend the relationship, your child may not be, so hang in there and keep trying.  Vow to love your children unconditionally (even if you don't love what they do or who they do it with).  Stop the tapes in your head about being entitled to respect just because you are the parent.  Our children need us at every age...and we need them.  If you or anyone you know would benefit from individual coaching on this, please contact me.   

What do Mother's Want?

As a Parent Coach I hear from moms who just want to do the right, loving things for their family. They want to make sure they are doing everything to give their children the best life they possibly can.  I am blessed to be able to help so many wonderful parents.  With May being the month for us to celebrate mothers, I would like to address the needs and wants of mothers.  (Father's Day is in June so dads, you will not be forgotten).  What do you want from your children, husband, and your mother?  Do you even have time to think about it?  Well...think about it.  We all need to be seen, appreciated and cared for.  How do we get that message across without feeling selfish?  It's OK to be selfish.  If you tell your children that you would like some extra hugs and thank yous more often, think of how great they will feel when they give you that and make you smile.  If you want more compliments, attention,  help from your husband, ask him for it.  Maybe you just want to stay in bed a little later... let him know.  Do you need some questions answered from you mother?   Tell her how much it would mean to you to know the history of the family (or whatever you want to know).  Whatever it is you need, or would like, it's always good to let them know.  People who love you want to make you happy.   You are giving them a gift as well to let them do this for you.  Be sure to save some TLC for yourself while giving it so freely to your family.

Young mom...not so young mom

Received a question from a woman in her late thirties.  She was wondering about the pros and cons of having babies a little later in life.  WOW!  If  I had a clear, cut and dry answer I'd be famous.  So here are some of the facts with some personal thoughts thrown in:  Our bodies are ready to produce babies in our teens. Our minds are not!  Our brains are not completely developed in our teens.  In our twenties our bodies are good to go and our brains are (pretty much) developed.  In our 30s our brains are getting better and better and our bodies are still hanging in there for babies.  When we're in our 40s our bodies are slowing down in the baby producing area.  Our minds are probably better than ever.  So now you can see why it's a complicated question to answer.  I was a mother in my early 20s.  It was what you did in the 70s IF you were married.  Today women have more choices.  Think about your future and what is important to you.  Trust your gut!  Ask yourself the hard questions and then go for what you want.  There are risks at every age.  There is no PERFECT time to be a parent.  If you would like coaching on this, or any other parenting subject,  contact me...I will make it easier for you.

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry has been around since the beginning of time.  Children want to be noticed and heard and sometimes  (often) there is one child that makes the most noise and gets the most attention.  Also, it's pretty normal to favor one child over another at times.  The polite, smart, and pretty child is much easier than the struggling, loud, sloppy child who ignores you or gives you attitude.  There is very little we can do about how the rest of the world treats our children out there.  Life is not fair ... one child may very well be lucky and successful, and another can't seem to get a break.  It's our job as parents to make each child feel valued and loved for the special gifts they have.  Just as important, it's our job to teach them to value each other. Are you saying what you love about each other at family meetings (or any time) ?  Have you been encouraging and supportive?  Do you recognize and praise accomplishments? Are you teaching your children to be fair and compassionate by your example?  Brothers and sisters have a very special bond.  By teaching your children to love and value each other, you are paving the way for strong, loving relationships throughout the generations. They will take your example and teach their children, nieces, nephews, etc.  This is among the most important things we leave our children when we are gone...each other.    If you, or someone you know, is dealing with this issue, I can help give you peace in your home.  Contact me!