Mean Kids

Hi Parents...We hear so much about children being bullied.  Some children are so scared they get sick just thinking about what they have to face when they go to school.  Bullying has been around for many generations. If you've talked to your child about things they can try to stop this on their own and it still continues, here are some things that may help.    Most of the time this can be resolved by talking to the childs teacher.  I would think that he or she  has some way of resolving this without making your child more of a target.   You could also try talking with the parents of these children.  Many times these parents are horrified that their child would act this way.  You could also gently confront the children yourself and ask them to stop.  If you are a parent of a child who is doing the bullying, make time to have a conversation about why they do that. Ask him/her how they think the other child feels when they are mean.  Listen...let him know you don't approve of the behaviour but you know he/she is a good child and you trust that from now on they will be kinder.  If you have questions about how you  can help your child handle bullies, or how to talk to your child about not bullying, please contact me.  I would love to help.
Happy Parenting

Everybody's a Winner

Hi Parents...I hear a lot of chatter from parent's about children who participate in competitive activities getting trophies, ribbons, etc. even if they' re not the winner.  I find that parents are divided into two groups.  Some think everyone should be rewarded no matter how well they performed.  Some think it's silly to reward your child for just showing up.  I have to say that in my opinion this is not as black and white as that. I think when your child is learning an activity it's important to see and acknowledge the effort they are putting into it. That's a reward in itself.   When a child is old enough to compete in a specific activity, that's when they have to realize there is only one winner and one prize.  It's not easy to see your child loose but it's part of growing up.  Look at it as training for the real world.  It's competitive out there!   When children grow up and compete for jobs, there is no trophy for almost getting the job.  When your child doesn't come in first, look at it as a learning experience.  Give them permission to feel bad.  Ask them questions like "do you think you need more practice...is a different technique worth a try?"  Be on their side and show compassion but don't give praise and say things like "you got robbed".  Children are smart...they see right through that.  So maybe everyone on the team doesn't get the trophy but your child gets the gift of a strong parent who by his side.  If you have any opinions or comments, contact me...I'd love to hear from you,
Happy Parenting

Food (not so) Glorious Food

Hi Parents...There are many reasons why your child may not want to eat.  It's pretty scary for a parent...you probably think you are starving the poor child if you don't get some food down him/her.  Well, forcing your child to eat is NOT the way to go.  Rather than force your child to eat, encouraging him/her to try new foods works much better.  Try planning the meals yourself without asking for suggestions from the child.  Serve foods they like and new foods for them to try.  They may just look at the new food.  After a while you can encourage them to smell it, and maybe taste it.  If the child does try (even if they still won't eat it) praise him/her for trying.  Cutting back on snacking also helps.  It's better to serve meals and snacks at specific times so that your child will know when to expect it.  Be sensitive to your child's tastes.  There are usually very good reasons why he/she does not want certain foods.  Probably it's not because they are just being difficult.  You are not giving into them by gently encouraging rather than forcing.  Listen to your gut as a parent...if you think your child needs professional help with this, go for it. Time and understanding will lead to more enjoyable meals for the whole family.  Contact me if you want to know more about picky eaters and how to help them.

Emotional Support

Hi Parents
There is nothing more comforting than having the support of loved ones.  Teenagers, when asked,  said the one thing they wished their parents would do more of  is JUST LISTEN to them.  Listening is a great way to show your support.  It's not that easy!   As parents, we tend to judge and try to fix the problem.   Allowing our children to figure it out on their own is the best way for them to learn and grow to be strong and confident.  So, how do we as parents get our children to actually talk to us...and then just listen? Here are some helpful hints:  DOS: Focused attention, compassion, soft eyes,  sharing similar experiences,  communicating your faith in them, mirroring their emotions.  DON'TS:  Advice giving, disdain, criticism, flat affect, fault finding, showing irritation, mocking their feelings.  Children who need emotional support don't always ask.  As parents we need to know when the time is right to give it freely.  If you or anyone you know would like to hear more about the benefits of emotional support,  please contact me @ParentZing.com
Happy Parenting

Making the Most of Your Time

Hi Parents, I'm sure you've heard the expression "time is money".  Well, I believe that time is one of the most valuable things we give to our children.  More valuable than money.  Our society has taught us that giving our children as many opportunities as possible makes us good parents.  The more clubs, lessons,  groups, etc. that we can fit into a day, the better off  your child will be.  If we keep our child busy with something they are interested in,  they will stay out of trouble and be a successful adult.  All of the above is good - in moderation.  If your child is tired, he/she will be cranky and probably misbehave.  If your child is not happy with a certan activity and is pushed to continue to keep trying, their confidence may be compromised.  I think our society puts pressure on parents to try to give their children too many opportunities.  If you want to give your child the most valuable thing you can and invest in their future, YOUR time with them and THEIR time alone is the most valuable thing you can give them.  I am not suggesting to leave them alone without supervision, just give them (age appropriate) time to do something they choose.  If you have a few children, spending time with one child at a time makes them feel special.  Time may be money but you don't need a dime to make your child feel like a million bucks...just some time.
Happy Parenting

Showing Love on Valentine's Day

Hi Parents...Happy Valentine's Day.  What a perfect time to talk about how much love there is in your family and what you love about each other.  Children feel  happy and secure when they see their parents showing each other love.   Treating each other with love, respect, and appreciation is one of the best ways to get your child to grow up to be a loving, respectful adult.  Children are always watching and listening to how you treat others.  You're their most powerful teacher!  So this Valentine's day, have some good chocolate, smell some beautiful flowers and have fun.  Show each other tons of love.!  Happy Parenting 

What Do I Do with My Teenager?

Hi Parents...
I've been getting questions from parents of teenagers wanting to know if the things I've been blogging about work for an older child.  Present moment parenting, seeing and growing successes in your child, the family meeting where you list values and rules, etc. work beautifully for a teenager.  All children (especially teenagers) are constantly testing their parents.  When you start applying the above techniques, they will most likely think that it will be a short lived experiment.  They will keep testing you until they are satisfied that you mean what you say.  So be consistant!  Some children may feel uncomfortable when you start seeing successes...soon they will know it's genuine and they will love it.  You may get opposition when you suggest a family meeting...they'll soon look forward to it.  Teenagers have a lot of hard things they are dealing with.  Knowing that they belong to a loving family (who they can talk to ) is a hugh comfort to them.  If you have any questions or concerns about your child please let me know how I can help.
Happy Parenting

Taking a Break

Hi Parents...
Just wondering if you ever use breaks for your child.  Taking a break can work wonders.  If you already have a list of family rules, and someone breaks one of them, this is where a break comes in.  If you don't have a list of rules, the family meeting is the place to create that list.  Everyone gets to help make them but remember the parents run the show and get the final say.  So, break a rule...take a break.  A break is 30 seconds after the child is calm and quiet.  Using breaks in place of warnings, negotiations, and reiteration of the broken rule really works.  It may take a few tries to get it to go smoothly (like anything new) so hang in there.  After the break is over  say thank you and redirect your child to other things. If you want to know more about it, let me know.  As always, I look forward to your questions and comments.
Happy Parenting

The Family Meeting

Hi Parents...
I know what you're thinking!  Family meeting?  With our schedules how are we possibly going to make time for a family meeting?  It's a fact that all successful corporations, sports teams, clubs, etc. have meetings regularly.  It's part of what makes them function and be successful.  Yesterday a friend of mine told me that she actually called a meeting with her husband and adult child (living at home).  At first the husband and son thought she was kidding and when she convinced them to try they acted like they were in pain.  Here's what they did.  They each took a turn saying what they love about the family and then each individual had their turn to speak.  They spoke about what was annoying them and what they would like to see change.  Everyone got a chance to speak (without interruption) as long as they needed to.  The reason I know about this meeting is that my friend was so excited about the way it went she couldn't wait to call to tell me her good news, and say thank you for the suggestion.  I hope you will be the one to suggest this to your family.  You may get some funny looks too but it's worth it.  Get everyone to agree on a time, let everyone say what they love about the family, give everyone their time to speak, and you're on your way.  I can give you more details and tips for a successful family meeting if you would like.  Let me know how it goes.  I'd love to hear about your family's experience.
Happy Parenting.

Family Values

Hi Parents
Have you thought about what your family values are?  It's a simple question that takes some thinking about.  When the question was  posed to me I had to really think about it.  I know what they are, of course, I just had a hard time listing them.  And why should I have to, I live them ( at least I try).  The thing is, it's really important to identify and talk to your children about your family values.  Sometimes as adults we just expect children to know what's right or wrong.  We can't expect good behavior... we have to grow it.  Having the family values discussion will clear up some grey areas for them and it will make it much easier for you to pick your battles.  Is it higher on your list for your child to have a clean room or to be nice to a friend in need?  Let them know!

Please send me your questions and/or comments.  If you or someone you know would benefit from a Parent Coach, let me know.  Happy parenting.