Homework Problems?

The weather has been exceptionally beautiful and everyone just wants to be outside enjoying.  The down side of an early Spring is trying to get your kids to do their homework.  If you're having a challenge with this, keep in mind that this is a normal,  natural reaction for children.   Since fresh air and play time is so healthy, maybe some adjustments can be made.  If your chld is normally a pretty good student, and does their homework without too much fuss,  homework time can easily be solved.  The family meeting  is a great time to discuss and change some rules about homework.  If your rule is for them to do their homework BEFORE any fun activities,  try switching that to letting them play outside for a while and then set aside time afterwards to do homework (when the sun goes down). Tell them you will agree to try this on a trial basis.  Let them know that you have faith in them to make this work.   It's good for your children to see that you can be flexible with the rules.  The seasons are a welcome change for most of us so why not go with it.  If you think the homework/classroom situation is more serious (or if you know someone who is having problems with this)  I can give you great suggestions for peace and success.  Contact me any time.

Two Movies Your Children May Want to See

This weekend the "The Hunger Games" and "Bully" are opening.  I'm sure most of you out there have heard of both movies.  I personally read all "The Hunger Games" and know some things about "Bully".  Both are violent, both are intense, both are thought provoking (to say the least) and both send a strong message.   You know your children...if they are not ready for movies like these two, follow your gut as to letting them go or not.  I hope that whatever decision you make about letting your children  see the movies, you will take some time to talk to them about their feelings about it.  It's a great time to let them ask you questions, for you to listen, and to tell them your feelings.  This can be a wonderful learning experience for both of you.  Have a fabulous weekend.  Remember, you can always call me if you have questions. 

Bed Time Driving you Crazy?I

Thank you for sending me your great questions.  I'm going to try to answer every one of them.  If it's one you want answered immediately, call me.   Question:  My 5 year old daughter  goes to bed ok but she insists on having a light on and the door open.  I read to her and sing a song of her choice but when it's time for me to leave she gets anxious.  She keeps calling for me and won't stop completely until the rest of the family goes to bed.  Her older brother and sister have later bed times. What can I do to help her sleep better?  Answer:  Take some one on one time with your daughter when it's NOT bed time to explain that when her brother and sister were her age that was their bed time too.  You can talk about the benefits of sleep for someone her age.  Rehearse the bed time ritual during the day and make it fun.   Go shop together for a night light...let her pick it out.  A room light is probably too much for her to sleep.  Ask the rest of the family if they would be polite enough to keep the noise down.  If you are having family meetings, encourage her to talk about it then.  During this process, whatever progress she is making (if she calls you ten times regularly and went down to 8 times) praise her for her effort.  If you have questions along the way, don't hesitate to call.

Are You being Fair?

  Are you really being fair to your children?  If you have a child that is special in any way (gifted, troubled, bad health, etc.)  it's natural to give that child more attention than other children in the family.  There are times when every child has a reason to be in the limelight...  I'm talking about the child that is consistently there.  All children need attention...even the quiet strong ones.  By recognizing that you may have one child who is getting all the attention (positive or negative) you are taking the first step towards making the situation better for everyone in your family.  Spending one on one time with each of the other children is a really great practice. Do something that your child likes (bike ride, play ground, coloring, etc.).  Use the time with your child to answer any questions he may have about the sibling getting all the attention.  He or she may be worried, jealous, resentful or just confused.  Try to clear things up while keeping the conversation age appropriate.  If they are acting out in a negative way,  it's for your attention.  See and tell them what they are doing RIGHT.  There is a bonus that comes with one on one time...you, as a parent , will get to spend some quality time making  your child feel very special.    

Your Brain on Stress

Running around from one activity to another?  Filling every moment of your day with something that seems like a great opportunity for your children?  Not making any time for just sitting and being quiet and in the moment?  All of this (not to mention what life naturally brings) causes stress.  You may not realize  that stress eats away at your brain.  There is good stress, the kind that  releases cortisol.  That aids you when you or your child is in danger.  For example if you see your child running  towards an on coming truck in the road ...cortisol kicks in and gets you there like a super hero.  So how  do we parent effectively when we live with so much bad stress?  Well, the truth is we don't.  What we need to do is SLOW down.  There is a place for sports and activities but not if it's causing you and your family bad stess.  We as parents need all the brain cells we can get.  If you want to be less stressed and have  more peace in your home, contact me ... I will give you some custom made solutions for your family.

Coping With Loss and Tragedy

Two days ago I suffered the loss of my mother.  My children are grown and are a great comfort to me at this time.  Between the shock and the arrangements, I am completely drained.  If I had young children, I don't know where I would get the strength needed to comfort them.  When we are going through loss (death, divorce, illness, homes, jobs, etc.) we may think that our children can put their needs on hold until we feel better.  They actually need you more at this time.  They are feeling the loss too and probably worried and scared.  Take some time out from the grief to just BE with your children.  If they are old enough, explain that grief is a slow process.  Try to keep a normal routine as much as possible.  Compassion, empathy and humor are three things you need to give to each other.  Try to be as positive about life when answering the WHYS.  Kids can't wait for your time, they need it now.  By setting a good example of how you handle your grief, your children will find the strength to handle their own later on in life.   Please let me know if you could use some help with parenting your children through loss and tragedy.

Anxiety and Depression

Very often anxiety and depression go hand in hand.  There are many children in our country suffering from this.  Some signs of depression in children are:  loss or increased appetite, disinterest in activities usually enjoyed, changes in sleep patterns.   Anxiety comes from fear of something that COULD happen...something that is not a real threat.  As parents, wanting to see our children happy and energetic,  can we help?  Absolutely!  It's important is to know that this is a physiological response.  Your child is not behaving different just to drive you crazy.  More than ever, the child needs for you to understand how he or she is feeling.    It may be hard for them to verbalize so patient listening  is the key.  Encourage the child to take his or her time while trying to explain how they are feeling.  Read my blog on emotional support... you can use it as a guide.  Remember we (as parents) CAN change the neural pathways in our childs brain.  Decide that you will make this different for your child.  I would be honored to answer any questions or concerns you have on this subject.
Happy Parenting