What do Mother's Want?

As a Parent Coach I hear from moms who just want to do the right, loving things for their family. They want to make sure they are doing everything to give their children the best life they possibly can.  I am blessed to be able to help so many wonderful parents.  With May being the month for us to celebrate mothers, I would like to address the needs and wants of mothers.  (Father's Day is in June so dads, you will not be forgotten).  What do you want from your children, husband, and your mother?  Do you even have time to think about it?  Well...think about it.  We all need to be seen, appreciated and cared for.  How do we get that message across without feeling selfish?  It's OK to be selfish.  If you tell your children that you would like some extra hugs and thank yous more often, think of how great they will feel when they give you that and make you smile.  If you want more compliments, attention,  help from your husband, ask him for it.  Maybe you just want to stay in bed a little later... let him know.  Do you need some questions answered from you mother?   Tell her how much it would mean to you to know the history of the family (or whatever you want to know).  Whatever it is you need, or would like, it's always good to let them know.  People who love you want to make you happy.   You are giving them a gift as well to let them do this for you.  Be sure to save some TLC for yourself while giving it so freely to your family.

Young mom...not so young mom

Received a question from a woman in her late thirties.  She was wondering about the pros and cons of having babies a little later in life.  WOW!  If  I had a clear, cut and dry answer I'd be famous.  So here are some of the facts with some personal thoughts thrown in:  Our bodies are ready to produce babies in our teens. Our minds are not!  Our brains are not completely developed in our teens.  In our twenties our bodies are good to go and our brains are (pretty much) developed.  In our 30s our brains are getting better and better and our bodies are still hanging in there for babies.  When we're in our 40s our bodies are slowing down in the baby producing area.  Our minds are probably better than ever.  So now you can see why it's a complicated question to answer.  I was a mother in my early 20s.  It was what you did in the 70s IF you were married.  Today women have more choices.  Think about your future and what is important to you.  Trust your gut!  Ask yourself the hard questions and then go for what you want.  There are risks at every age.  There is no PERFECT time to be a parent.  If you would like coaching on this, or any other parenting subject,  contact me...I will make it easier for you.

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry has been around since the beginning of time.  Children want to be noticed and heard and sometimes  (often) there is one child that makes the most noise and gets the most attention.  Also, it's pretty normal to favor one child over another at times.  The polite, smart, and pretty child is much easier than the struggling, loud, sloppy child who ignores you or gives you attitude.  There is very little we can do about how the rest of the world treats our children out there.  Life is not fair ... one child may very well be lucky and successful, and another can't seem to get a break.  It's our job as parents to make each child feel valued and loved for the special gifts they have.  Just as important, it's our job to teach them to value each other. Are you saying what you love about each other at family meetings (or any time) ?  Have you been encouraging and supportive?  Do you recognize and praise accomplishments? Are you teaching your children to be fair and compassionate by your example?  Brothers and sisters have a very special bond.  By teaching your children to love and value each other, you are paving the way for strong, loving relationships throughout the generations. They will take your example and teach their children, nieces, nephews, etc.  This is among the most important things we leave our children when we are gone...each other.    If you, or someone you know, is dealing with this issue, I can help give you peace in your home.  Contact me!

The Arts

Last weekend I was fortunate enough to go see a ballet performance with some members of my family.    It was rainy and cold outside and everyone was complaining about traffic and work  and the weather...typical stuff.  Of course, the mother in me wanted to get them perfect jobs and move them to a place where is's always warm and sunny and there is never traffic.   Since that's impossible (and I felt anxiety coming to visit as it sometimes does) I took a deep breath and had a glass of wine.  After dinner we walked across the street to the theatre, settled into our seats and were quietly waiting for the curtain to go up.  At this point I resigned myself to the fact that I cannot make things perfect for my children (and it shouldn't be...but that's another blog).  The performers came out, the story unfolded and I could feel the beauty and wonder and peace you only get from a LIVE performance.  I was thinking about what our lives would be like without "the arts".  I can't imagine human beings not having such a gift.  I enjoy a good baseball game and know how important sports are BUT please think about taking your children to a live performmance.   It's out there for all of us to enjoy.  Let's give creativity some much needed attention.  Enjoy! 

Are we Parenting by Example?

Had a great discusion at dinner last night with three generations...  parents,  a young woman in the business world,  and a teenager.  They were talking about what happens when children break rules (team rules, the law, etc.) and their parents defend them.  What messages are we sending our children by protecting them at all costs?  What messages are we sending them by justifying our behaviour and finding excuses for the rules we ourselves break.  We live in a world that sets murderers free and gives drunk drivers at least a second chance.  So... what does this say to the generation we are raising?  The best thing we can do for our children is live OUR lives as honest and compassionate as we can.  No one is perfect.  We all break the rules, make mistakes, and hurt others.  When we do, we apologize, try not to do it again, and pay the price.  If our children see this, they learn from it.  If your child gets in trouble, breaks a rule, hurts someone's feelings, etc., the best thing to do is talk to them about it.  Listen and ask questions.  Give them a consequence and tell them you believe that the action was bad but they are not.  We will not do our children any favors by defending them (if they were wrong).  We are preparing them for the real world where bosses and clients and law enforcers don't want excuses.

Teens and Personal Hygiene

I am so happy to be receiving all of your questions.  It's great to hear from so many fabulous parents.  My mission is to help parents (the hardest job in the world) have an easier more peaceful family life.  Please continue sending me questions and comments, and I'm more than happy to take your calls too.

So, what do you do if your teenage child (the question was about a girl) doesn't care about personal hygiene.  First of all, know that this is not THAT unusual.  Teenagers are so consumed with so many changes in their bodies that it can be overwhelming to them.   They go from sweet smelling children to hormonal teens.  It (like everything else) is a learning process.  It's could be a delicate subject to raise.  Mention that there are differences in the way you take care of your body when you get older. You could start the conversation by saying something like "you are becoming a lovely young woman now and since you're old enough, I was wondering if you'd like it if we went shopping for some nice smelling soaps, bath jells, lotions etc.  There are so many scents out there, you may want to pick out what YOU like. "   Praise her on her choice and comment on how nice she smells when she actually uses the products.  Give her time and have patience. 

Seperation Anxiety

 Are you dealing with a child who has seperation anxiety?  One of the questions I received was from a mom who has a son in second grade that gets panicky every time he leaves for school.  She said that he's afraid that something bad is going to happen to her while he's gone.  The best way to deal with this kind of anxiety is to be sure to LISTEN to his fears.  No matter how they sound to you...they are real to him.  Tell him about your plans for the day so he can have a picture in his mind of where you are at a certain time.  Reassure him that you will be very careful to be safe (lock doors, not talk to strangers, etc).  Act as comforting and as  brave as you can when you put him on the school bus.  If he feels that you are worried or anxious about him, it will not help.  When he comes home from school, tell how good your day was.  When children think their parents are unhappy ,for any reason, it's common for them to have some degree of anxiety.  If you would like some personal coaching on anxiety, please contact me any time.  Thank you again for your questions.